Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

What a whirlwind birth for our boy, Charles Adam Gold III...On Monday, there was no progress towards birth. On Tuesday, Adam and I were biting our nails waiting on a free slot for a scheduled c-section. On Wednesday morning at 5:30am, we made our way to the hospital in the freezing cold...since Adam promised me, "Either Trai comes out this week or we're going in to get him!" On March 2, 2011 at 11:42am our son saw the light of day, weighing in at 7lbs 6.4 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long.

As many people can probably see by the pictures on my Facebook account, I looked and felt peace, unending joy, and the awesome-ness of a God that we often underestimate. Even as a career woman that never thought seriously about having children as a part of my life until I met my husband (affectionately called "Monster"), this was an unbelievably beneficial compromise and welcome change.

Of course, change comes with growing pains. My normally over-independent self welcomed all of the hands-on help I could get. My regulated life became an uncertain trial-by-fire. My sleep-for-sport weekend lifestyle became sleep-deprived, even on a good baby day. All in all, change can be unsettling -- but when I stop to think about it -- I've been through change before.

So...thanks to a suggestion by my colleague-in-Mommyhood Diana Cherry, I bought an out-of-print copy of "The Working Mother's Guide to Life" by Linda Mason to help me with my family changes. I cannot say that I've read the book yet. But ironically during a late (or depending on your perspective, early morning) feeding, I skimmed through the table of contents and was drawn to chapters like "Chapter 7: Making Life Easier at Work", "Chapter 9: Making the Most of Prime Times: The Morning Routine," and "Ah, Yes, Those Household Chores".

This is just the beginning of the journey, and I'm taking advice from as many resources as I can find. Thanks to everyone, old friends and new, that have come out of the woodwork to help. You've given us advice, sent care packages, showed up to multiple baby showers, and emailed/Facebooked/texted words of encouragement. I guess that's what Linda Mason was talking about in "Chapter 14: Building Communities of Support."

An appropriate list...overanalyzing, obsessive compulsive, or just nesting?

For weeks, I've been completing tasks on my lengthy pre-Trai to-do list. As a soon-to-be career mom, I knew that it would time some forethought to hit the exit ramp of my career, even for a short bit of time, while entering the high octane world called motherhood. Once I finally completed the entire list, it was such an accomplishment for me that I shouted it to the world on Facebook.  


On the same day, a sweet soror of mine who is now 31 weeks pregnant said, "Help! Inbox me your pre-baby to do list..." Well, here it is:


1. Read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" & Watch Childbirth Prep DVD. (Do not pay those fools at the hospital for something that you can get for $10 off of Amazon!)
2. Schedule and go on a hospital tour. Pre-register while you are there. You will be too pre-occupied managing pain to remember your health insurance stuff, so just pre-register to have it already on file. All you will need is you and daddy's IDs.
3. De-clutter your entire house and prep the nursery. Have Daddy and friends assemble everything baby (including crib, high chairs, stroller, etc.) Just think "simplify!"
4. Plan your Exit/Entry Plan with your Supervisor at Work. Have him/her to sign off on it, and submit to your HR department for FMLA benefits. You may also have additional department of labor paperwork for you AND your physician to complete. Also make sure that Daddy has done the same, especially if you have a C-section and need his support at home a bit longer.
5. Make your list of "things to do" when you return to work, if necessary.
6. Schedule pre-natal massages and pedicures. They are not frivolous, but help manage circulation and pain.
7. Choose godparents and delegate what you need from them.
8. Ask your friends/sorors to pull together a rotating dinner calendar. The last thing you want to do is COOK when you get back home. I don't want to cook when I'm not pregnant...
9. After your baby shower, wash everything and organize in the nursery. Try to send thank you notes out ASAP because you won't have time after baby comes. In fact, you can delegate that task to a wonderful family member or godmother.
10. Pack hospital bags for you, baby AND daddy. Make your playlist and bring comforting things (I have my back massager, my favorite pink/green blanket, me and Adam's prayer box for when we prayed to conceive, and some pictures of my family at home.) Pack a "homecoming" outfit for Baby KG too.
11. Finish your birth plan and put it in your hospital bags.
12. Determine who can and cannot come to the hospital after birth. I'm sure the hospital will have limits, however, you may want to keep it as low key as possible to get some well-deserved rest. Plus, we are too fly to let people see us look a hot mess, as a brand new mother should...
13. Make sure the car seat is installed and inspected by State Police. Baby cannot come home until its done.
14. Connect with new mommy friends for support. (You know where to find ALLLLL of us, especially from LC!) For example, I've connect with a good friend of mine to help when I start trying to nurse.
15. Buy/upgrade to a new PDA, planner, or home organizer where you can keep up with everything in one place when you return to work. I call it my brain. I have space to keep up with my professional and personal stuff, baby's stuff, Adam's stuff (he's in graduate school now), all in one place. Mine is called Pinky the Brain.
16. Tour daycare centers, choose one, and make a deposit at least two months before you are due. They fill up quickly for infants.
17. Interview and choose a pediatrician, since appointments will start almost immediately after birth.
18. Inquire with your employers concerning how to add baby to your insurance.



Yes, I had several more items on this list that were specifically career-related but I find it quite odd that there are very few -- if any -- authors that are seriously discussing what it takes to exit/enter the workforce generally, or academic life specifically. Do you have other suggestions to add to my starter list? Leave your comments here...

The Waiting Game...

Dr. Mom is now playing the waiting game. After months of Facebook status updates concerning the pending birth of our son Trai (Charles Adam Gold III), my life has now been reduced to only a few exciting tasks: sleeping, peeing, eating, and television...and that's probably in priority order.

Don't get me wrong, I've had the luxury of a complication free pregnancy for which I'm eternally grateful. Yet, a lot of emotional baggage comes along with what my line sister calls "high functioning women". We let go of giving 150% to our careers, churches and communities in order to give some of ourselves to everyone, especially a new, highly-dependent little person. Instead of waking up early to respond to emails before everyone else gets to the office, we take the extra time to drink something sweet to make sure the baby is happy and mobile in his shrinking apartment. Instead of getting to work early and staying late, we leave unapologetically to attend doctors appointments and put our swollen feet up. Instead of staying close to the PDAs 24-7, we work our magic in the 8 hours we have at the office and then try to leave it there.

Yep, life is a-changing from workaholism to a PG-rated version of work/life integration (since anyone who's ever tried it knows that work/life balance is a mythical creature).

So many of my Facebook friends have told me in posts, inbox messages, and emails that they have been on the motherhood journey with me (you stalkers!) and you'd like to continue on. This blog is an opportunity for colleagues, family members, and friends to tag along. Bookmark my blog so we can continue the journey!

Meanwhile, I'll be walking, drinking raspberry tea, waiting for Trai's arrival, and pondering the next post.